• Commitment means that both parties want to be in the relationship, and are determined to make it work.

• Trust is the belief that the other party is basically honest.

• Open communication requires expression of one’s needs, communicated in a positive way.

• Consideration and mutual respect encourage recognition and acceptance of each other’s needs.

• Empathy ensures awareness and prevents resentment.

The secret to building a satisfying relationship that will meet the test of time is to learn to make use of all of the relationship rules presented above. While living by these rules may seem like common sense to some, many couples fail to incorporate them into their day-to-day interactions. Even those who know the rules sometimes find themselves adrift in stormy seas. We are all human, which means we can’t help but make mistakes now and again. No one can count on evading forever the wintry winds that can whip up from time to time and cause our “relation ships” to veer off course. What we can do, however, is work hard to rectify our mistakes before they serve to shipwreck our love boat. Don’t be afraid to fire off a flare when you find yourself close to the rocks, because seeking out help can often mean the difference between relationship success and failure.

Too often, couples begin relationships with unachievable expectations, unrealistic demands, and a lack of trust in one another. It is not surprising then that such relationships will often end because the couple has not developed a healthy foundation upon which to build for the future. Relationships that begin with this impediment to success tend to be adversely affected before long by resentment due to unfulfilled expectations. The immediate result of this state of affairs is relational dissatisfaction, which may eventually lead to a parting of company on less-than-ideal terms. This type of ending is known in certain circles as the “screw you syndrome.”

Peaks and Valleys

Much like other periods of life, relationships have readily identifiable cycles. I term these relational periods “Peaks and Valleys.” During a Peak period couples are often thrilled to be in each other’s company - you know, the periods when your rose-colored-glasses perception of your love interest’s many, oh-so-charming qualities tends to distort reality ever so slightly. Practically everything your Prince Charming or Belle of the Ball does during this stage may seem as magical and endearing to you as was your favorite fairy tale when you were a child. This is the period when your closest friends will call to say HELLO! Did you forget my number?

The Valley period, however, is very much the reverse of the Peak period. During this period one or both parties begin to feel bored and unfulfilled. A complete break in the relationship often follows if corrective steps are not taken in time. The Valley period can be likened to what happens when a high-flying balloon suddenly develops a leak and looses air. This is the time when friends will say: I was wondering when you were going to return to earth! Although many couples manage to pull through Valley periods, others may end their relationships prematurely because they have not developed a sustainable bond. Falling into the Valley is a common relationship experience; living in the Valley, however, is a virtually guaranteed ticket to relationship ruin.

The Quest for the Perfect Relationship

While there are many benefits to becoming comfortable in a relationship, becoming too comfortable can lead one or both parties to fail to follow the relational rules, which invariably contributes to dissatisfaction. Because few couples can honestly say that they have never been in violation of these rules at one time or another, it can be helpful and reassuring to keep in mind that, even though we are all searching for the ideal, it is important for couples to be realistic in their expectations, and fully aware that the quest for the perfect relationship has much in common with the chasing of rainbows. That said, the pot of gold is often there for the finding, and find it you can. Do not feel discouraged during those times when four-leaf clovers are few and far between, and your yellow brick road seems more like a pathway paved with stones and perilous potholes than relationship easy street. Truly satisfying relationships are something we all must constantly strive for, and it is this striving that constitutes an integral part of the relationship-building process. When all the necessary components for a successful relationship are combined synergistically, a couple is able to grow in love and wisdom together.

The choice then is ours – a relationship that leaves both parties feeling disappointed, unfulfilled, and at some point, single again, or, over the mountains and through the woods to a rewarding, long-lived and mutually satisfying romance. Getting there does not have to be hard. Just remember to follow the rules!