Although many of us remain in our intimate relationships for many years after we realize that our partners are no longer satisfying--- should we? If our relationship is OK, but not truly satisfying, is it better to be safe and secure in a consistent relationship with someone who is comfortably familiar, or is it better to ditch the nest and fly?

Although many of us do successfully flee our nests when our relationships are no longer satisfying, many others choose to remain in unfulfilling relationships because we are frozen by fear. Unfortunately, doing so often prevents us from living fully- growing, experimenting, exploring, and ultimately thriving. For those of us who are presently feeling a bit immobilized- are your inner voices asking…“What if I jump the nest and my wings fail and I plummet to earth hitting the ground without anyone there to break my fall? What if I never find another person to love me? What if I am alone forever? What if I am ok, but my ex partner isn’t? What if I can’t survive on my own?” Are our voices speaking truth or fear? Well, the truth is… each of us must explore ourselves fully to really know! So then, how do we know if it is time to be courageous and fly?

When to Go

Although many of us justify remaining in our “C” nests, accepting our feelings of loneliness because we have successfully compensated by creating satisfying relationships outside the nest, does doing so really allow us to grow and thrive, or are we really struggling with fear like everyone else, simply teasing ourselves with a taste of freedom, yet never really allowing ourselves an opportunity to be fully satisfied! The truth is…we are all afraid of giving up our secure/dependable relationships for the UNKNOWN! Although each of us remain in relationships for different reasons, we know when our relationships are not healthy after we have made many unsuccessful attempts to repair the relationship and that little voice inside our head continues to say… “I am lonely!

Wings to Fly

For those brave birds who have decided to test their wings rather than remain in dissatisfying relationships- please repeat after me—I CAN FIND A PARTNER WHO SATISFIES MANY OF MY NEEDS! Although many of us may be convinced that life would be unbearable without someone to come home to every night, I wonder… are we afraid because we might not have a partner immediately, or rather that we don’t know or might not want to get to know ourselves? My professional experience suggests that many of us have not really taken the time necessary to explore or appreciate who we are. In fact, many of us hide our true selves behind our social masks, sadly, sometimes never really unveiling our truest beauty or discovering our potential. Essentially, we create these social masks to conceal our insecurity about who we have not yet become-you know, the person we think we should be, but aren’t. Sound familiar? If so, please repeat after me- I CAN ONLY FIND A WELL SUITED PARTNER IF I AM WILLING TO TAKE THE TIME NECCESSARY TO APPRECIATE WHO I AM AND WHAT I NEED- FIRST!

Discovering Me

When beginning a new journey, many of us are insecure, anxious, and sometimes petrified that we won’t be good enough to secure a satisfying partner. Unfortunately, this fear often leads us to begin our new journeys disguised by our perfectionist masks, overlooking the reality that many of us are really searching for the same thing –a partner who is- “real, kind, considerate and loving, who likes who we like, not someone who is pretending to be a perfect human!” Although many of us insist that we are ready to find that ideal partner the day after we flee the nest, jumping from one relationship to another without taking time to identify what we need frequently leads us to another dissatisfying relationship. So then, how do we avoid jumping out of one dissatisfying relational nest into another? Many of my coaching clients have discovered that “learning themselves” is key to unlocking the ideal partner door. Many of my coaching clients agree that although challenging and sometimes scary, it is essential to remove our social masks and explore our true selves. Understanding what prevents us from trusting ourselves is the first step to a successful rebirth. Although removing our masks is sometimes difficult and painful, we must remember that people perceive us to be what we appear to be. We choose our partners according to what we SEE. Therefore, if our mask screams (e.g., perfection, resistance, pretentiousness, or some other untruth- who are we attracting? What are we setting ourselves up for? Is it possible that our masks are intimidating our ideal partner? If we begin our new journey with a partner who either refuses or can’t share their true selves can we really expect to create a satisfying relationship with someone who won’t let trust us? Repeat after me- I PREVENT MYSELF FROM FINDING AN IDEAL PARTNER WHEN I REFUSE TO ALLOW HIM/HER TO KNOW ME!

The Quest for a New Love

Ok, the mask is off- “what if people don’t like who I really am?” The good news is… we don’t want to attract people who don’t like us for who we really are. What most of us want is to share our lives with a partner who thinks we are extraordinary just the way we really are. If we are courageous enough to abandon a dissatisfying relationship, don’t we owe it to ourselves to reach for the stars and find a partner who is truly happy to fly with us? If not, perhaps we should remain in our “C” relationship until we are ready to explore, not others, but ourselves, before jumping from one unhappy nest to another. Is that you? If so, perhaps it’s time to DISCOVER YOU!