Since Valentine’s Day inspires love and frequently produces a full bloom in spring, it is an ideal time to discuss the underlying passion in countless romantic encounters- dating relationships, and marriages. Yes, I am speaking of “love-chemistry.” Although some of us are fully aware of how it feels to be in love, others who have not yet experienced the earthshaking may be in doubt that it is even possible.

In the past year, I have had numerous telephone calls from both young men and women requesting assistance with romantic relationships- establishing a romantic relationship, repairing an unhealthy relationship, or preparing to have a healthy relationship. Surprisingly, many of these requests have come from men and women in their 20’s and 30’s. Even more surprising is the fact that many of these young people have reported that they have never experienced what I term “love-chemistry.” Many have asked, “So what does it feel like to experience “love-chemistry” with another person? Is “love-chemistry” real? Is it supposed to happen like it does on the big screen? What if I care for my partner, but I didn’t experience any “love-chemistry”; does this mean that I should search for another partner? If I have this chemistry with my partner does that mean my relationship will last forever?”

Is “Love-Chemistry” real?

Scientific research suggests that the most well-known love-related chemical is phenylethylamine -PEA. PEA is a natural amphetamine chemical that occurs when one person is stimulated by another person. That means that when we meet a person that rings our bell and sparks fly- we are stimulated and a natural chemical reaction occurs. Amazingly, this PEA chemical is distributed in our brains much like some illegal drugs are; it causes an elevated stimulation that is experienced as uplifting, and or euphoric. In fact, a 1996 study, reported in the Journal of Neuropsychiatry examining the effects of the PEA chemical on depression suggests that the PEA chemical relieved depression in 60% of their participants. According to this research, the PEA chemical may serve as a powerful antidepressant because of its uplifting effects on the human brain. Confirming what some of us have always known… there is no better drug than LOVE!

So what does it feel like to experience “Love-Chemistry?”

Although people report a variety of symptoms when they experience “love-chemistry”, overall the internal explosion seems to include a combination of physiological and psychological symptoms that increase our anxiety and result in any or all of the following : sweaty palms, increased heart rate, and or obsessive compulsive behavior-- where you can’t think of anything other than that perfect person. Essentially, many people have reported that “love-chemistry” is…feelings of nervousness that overcome their entire being when they are with that special person. You know… you can’t think or can’t speak; you only feel---great! You know it when it comes, and the feeling of awkwardness never really goes away-- entirely. This natural upper elevates our senses - on-top-of-the-world feeling -and reignites our passion for living life.

What if I didn’t experience “Love-Chemistry”, does that mean I should abandon my partner?

Although “love chemistry” between two people certainly creates a powerful chemical reaction and provides a great start to any relationship, it guarantees little more then an open door- the rest is up to the people involved. Therefore, whether you are fortunate and experience chemistry with another person or you do not, the hard work and commitment is always necessary to make any relationship happy, healthy and permanent. Essentially, although I am convinced that there is nothing better than experiencing a mutual chemical reaction with another person, it is not necessary to experience the explosion to establish and maintain a happy fruitful intimate relationship. In fact, many people fortunate enough to experience “love-chemistry” with another person are frequently unsuccessful in maintaining long term relationships with their partners because they incorrectly assume that the “love-chemistry alone guarantees that the relationship will always feel great without having to put forth any real effort. Unfortunately, the sparks will continue to fly only if both partners are willing to work hard to ensure that they do.

The good news is… simply being in love automatically increases this naturally occurring uplifting PEA chemical in our brains, without needing any drugs. Perhaps, this euphoric feeling that is generated when we fall in love becomes addicting, explaining why we are always searching for love, regardless of the intense pain that we are sometimes left with when a passionate relationship comes to a screeching halt.

Does anyone really believe that millions of us spend so much time, effort, dollars, and emotion on our loved one each year simply because we are expected to? I think not!

Love is in the air- are you breathing, or are you still sitting there disenchanted convinced that it can never happen to YOU?